Listen, I don't have
much time. You mustn't show this to anyone, ok? You understand? This
has to be kept between us. Promise?
OK. HSLM on Strategic planning.
It's very
confidential. Ideally, for any library, There is No Plan. Your
employers, who would fall
asleep if actually given a strategic plan to read; and your staff, to whom you are a remote, benign presence, will both assume that one exists and you are following it with effortless skill and expertise.
What's that? Sssh, they'll hear us. Oh, you have to write a plan? Tsk. Ok, there are two ways of doing this: the Enthusiastic and the Inert.
1. Give the task to a bunch of
keen underlings. Say you want fresh views from a younger generation
who are more in touch with the student population. They will feel
very fluffy about having been asked, and will probably
spend ages doing it all properly and getting the bullet points lined up. Even better,
suggest different people write different sections, and better still, in
different languages! (Latin is impressive).
When it's published, no one will understand it but they won't want to
criticise the kids. You accept it gratefully and tell your management team that
the underlings did such a good job you don't require any input from them.
Outrage will ensue. There is no way they are going to accept a report written by their junior staff! So, with much regret, you have no choice but to ditch it. Then you call in a
couple of the underlings whom you know are the ringleaders. You tell them they are over-qualified for their jobs and how sorry you are that you must let them go.
The consequences are: you are free to get on with your life, and your management team can return to their most important task, which is inter-departmental warfare.
2. The second method is this. You set up a sub-committee which contains at least two members who are
never going to agree with each other and a third who will patiently
question every sentence, line, comma and set of brackets. (It's so important to get things right, isn't it?). This group will quickly become becalmed in bureaucratic backwaters. This leaves you reluctantly obliged to carry out measures such as revaluing library services and
tightening up your staff's performance indicators or, as I prefer to call it, whetting the axe, without any need to justify your actions against an overall strategy.
When the plan is
finally published, make sure the title is
unambiguously vague; something along the lines of “Together for the
future!” which suggests that until now everyone has been at each other's throats and
incapable of understanding developments, while you are both Friendly! and Dynamic! And make sure the plan is worded so obtusely that you can claim
anything from a minor leak in the basement to the Second Coming has
been anticipated and the necessary measures are in place to
deal with it.
But of course you can't leave it like this or Mr Rubber Stamps will have his inky fingers all over your door handle again. Besides, you don't want to leave yourself accountable to anyone with real aspirations.
So, what next? Hasn't it taken such a long time to prepare and publish the plan? And things have moved on, so ...
So, what next? Hasn't it taken such a long time to prepare and publish the plan? And things have moved on, so ...
You know, you really
should feel very honoured that I am confiding in you. You won't tell
a soul, will you?
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